we're good!

So I've been meaning to write for a few days now, but just haven't had the time!  Joel had his 4 month checkup at children's last week and it went great!!   His dr was very happy with all the progress hes made, and his service co-ordinater at EI and developmental specialist (same person) came with me.   It was really nice to have someone else there that can help me communicate how Joel's doing.. (probably better than I can seeing as though my brain just doesn't work these days!)   It was also nice to have some support. (especially when Joel had to have blood taken and I was def. a nervous wreck.)    Joel did amazing! He barely flinched w. the blood draw, then sat there so nice and calm!! Hes such a good boy! We went over his progress with his Dr, and told her  He's made so much progress these past few months.  He's now putting 2 and 3 words together spontaneously, as well as answering questions with "yes" or "no."   He's even starting to name his colors which has taken much longer then I expected. I was actually starting to think he may be color blind (it runs in my family)  But hes been doing great with that.  His sensory stuff is still an issue, as is his motor planning.   But I'll take every accomplishment as a victory.   These things didn't come easy for him, hes been working so hard (unbeknownst to him)  through all his therapy every week.   Sometimes I wonder if its to much for him, but then I see all the progress hes making and know that I'm doing the right thing!  We've already started the transition process, and his Dr seems to have the same concerns as I do.  That when he goes to be evaluate by the preschool they'll see how great hes doing and not continue services for him.  He went 6 days with no therapy the week of thanksgiving and the last 4 days specifically were really tough.  it was also very nasty weather and we couldn't really get out of the house to burn off extra energy. But it made me realize how much his hectic schedule really does help him.   Thanksgiving was.. thanksgiving.  I had high hopes of relaxing on the couch and letting my family enjoy the kids and give me a break, but my vision didn't really come to light.  I think the holidays just bring up crap w. their dad and puts me in a foul mood.  We got in an argument on thanksgiving because I told him he needed to grow up and start doing what was best for these kids... and somehow he twisted that comment into him taking the kids to chucky cheese on thanksgiving, saying that's what they would want to do?!?!?!  REALLY?  ugh. why are men so stupid. I cant even fathom the thought process behind that statement.  He obviously doesn't know his kids because they could care less about chucky cheese.  they'd much rather be with their family... but that's a whole nother topic I'm just not getting into tonight!  so Thanksgiving night my mom did take Angie , and I dropped Joel off really early in the morning to go out for black Friday (4am)   I got pretty much everything I went out for, and am 100% done Christmas shopping!!   I stretched that $100 gift card we won from The CuteKid photo contest to over $300!!!  :o)   I've actually been letting the kids open up a present a week.. I figure Id rather have them all excited about one thing and enjoy it, then open 40 things on Xmas morning, be overwhelmed and not play w. anything!  Plus I cant help myself.. I'm in big trouble when their older.. definitely going to have to learn some self control.   Joel been sleep walking, and I think having night terrors.. as I type this his body is fidgeting like hes dreaming.   He's been pretty restless the past few nights and I'm not really sure what to do about it.. I also got some of his blood work back from children's.. not really sure what any of it means, he had a lot of "high" levels  and a few "low" ones.. and like I said I have no clue what any of it means yet.  I'm assuming ill get a call or letter explaining it.. If not I'll bring it to his primary care to go over it.  Google was not my friend when attempting to look it up.  I started w. lymphocytes (or something like that)  because he had a "high" count, and it means his body is fighting something.. said it could be a virus, aids, or leukemia.. now i highly highly doubt that its anything like that.. but the last thing I need to be doing is googling crap I don't understand so I stopped myself right there.   I've learned in the past when it comes to medical stuff, google for the most part is NOT my friend.  Joel got his hair cut, and he looks like such a big boy now!!  I actually got it cut last week, and HATED it.. So took him back this week to fix it and I'm so happy that I did!  He did amazing both times.  I figured out a pop in the mouth for some oral stimulation is KEY to him being still and tolerating getting it cut!!  We went and met Santa this weekend, and I thought he'd be more excited, but I think hes still a bit young.. he wasn't thrilled to be on Santa's lap.. he kinda spaced out.  Angie almost cried, but calmed down when Santa started being silly and making her laugh.   I'm trying to get my head right, and make sure my babies have a great Christmas... and a mom in the moment, not just going through the motions.  I feel like Ive been so stressed out these past few months, but not allowing myself to process the reasons why... It took a few drinks and a good cry to get over it!  actually I cant say I'm over it.. I'm just going to try to choose to be happy... with my babies.. even if its just us forever.   They are all I need.   :o)